Bittersweet

Bittersweet moments to me are those moments when you look forward to one thing but sadly consider a parallel occurrence like being excited about a new move but realize you may leave FRIENDS or a loved place behind.  Or finally having a bandage or cast removed but a CHALLENGING recovery awaits. For me BITTERSWEET moments are just apart of life and seeing the happiness BEYOND the not so happiness definitely makes LIFE worth living. IT'S OKAY TO PAUSE. It's good to remember and reflect as well as LOOK FORWARD but never let it stop you for so long that you quit. KEEP PRESSING PLAY.

NO MATTER WHAT STAY IN MOTION. One thing I promise not to do this weekend is hold back the tears. I remember asking the Lord when my dad passed away to not let his loss consume me all at once but for the array of emotions to come in waves,  GOD GAS BEEN FAITHFUL in honoring this request, sometimes at what I would consider awkward moments like in the paper towel aisle at Walmart. Sometimes I'm very aware of the thoughts that bring about a moment of sadness remembering something my dad may have done or said, seeing or hearing something that makes me think of him. Sometimes I have no idea, and tears just flow. 

This weekend will be bittersweet. I'm CELEBRATING the culmination of a long journey, receiving my bachelor's degree from the University of Maryland in Social Sciences in Adelphi MD. I've been on this journey for quite some time and now the first part is complete. I will REMEMBER my dad as I walk across the stage, this Saturday May 17th on what would have been his 67th birthday. When he passed unexpectedly from pancreatic cancer I was in the middle of a few college courses. I wanted to quit; he would've wanted me to go on, so I DID AND NOW I'M HERE. Last year I remembered him on his birthday by participating in the Relay for Life. RELAY FOR LIFE, not just an event but a COMMAND. Continue to GO ON. That was a hard year, the first year that I wasn't able to call and say Happy Birthday or send a card in the mail, but I was able to support a cause to continue to FIGHT for a cure. I hope this year is easier as I share his day with an ACCOMPLISHMENT. I always remember him, I know he's proud of me. I always want him to be proud so I've already applied to Liberty University to pursue my Master's degree. 

LOOKING AHEAD Yep, I know when I complete that degree that will be a bittersweet moment as well because he won't be there. In a few months I will walk down the aisle to begin a new journey as a wife and he won't be there. Another BITTERSWEET moment awaits but I MUST GO ON. My fear, my struggle, my heartache in the beginning was feeling like I would somehow leave him behind as I continued to reach GOALS in life, that is so far from the truth. When I look in the mirror I can't help but see him. I AM MICKEY HENDRY, his first born, continuing the dream of being great and in my mind hearing him say, "I'm so proud of you and I love you too girl, cause I'm your Dad" it makes me smile with sad eyes, but it's okay, that's life, that's bittersweet.

 

So Daddy, I believe you're looking down on me SMILING, probably with tears of joy as well but I'm glad I'm making you PROUD.